LOVE

I think love is the most beautiful thing in the world, and I don't give a fuck because I have no orginal ideas. I've seen a man jack off to a gap window display, so don't tell me that love isn't important.And maybe you didn't get that series of lines, that's okay. Most of them are subtext designed to impress people who know too much about art. All you need to listen to is the twelve percent which contain words like "fuck".

They say cupid loved "my so called life" and when the show was cancelled cupid cried and cried and cried and decided he was going to fuck up all of humanity, and this is why China has trouble with the birthrate and Arkansas rhymes with date rape and iraq is iraq, and the fat lipo-sucked out of california could be it's own island.

But this isn't about geography this is about love, the bane of my exsistence, the reason I hate Valentine's day and Halloween, which is about ghosts and I think you know where I'm going here. I'm going to the land of boyfriends of halloweens past, and maybe I only got three ghosts in this land, but this doesn't mean they don't bring their friends, who are the ghosts of boys who have rejected me, because boys rarely travel alone in this land. Sychler is from this land.

I used to kiss him while listening to the cure's " Just Like Heaven," now I don't see him anymore, so that song makes me sad, why must we associate music with our love lives? I'm not trying to be profound here, I'm just saying that music really takes me back, way back, And I can't explain the memory process involved in that, because I'm not a pychology major.

It's not fair. And love is not fair. And war is not fair. And I don't care what anyone has to say about any of that, I feel unloved. I'm sorry I need people to tell me I'm cool. I'm just that way. Aren't you? Am I the only one? I know that I can't be that misunderstood.

But you don't want to understand me! This is not the direction I wanted to take this. Honestly I just want to be in the arms of my true love, in a house, in a room, in a wonderful perfect world with our two children, but maybe I shouldn't have said this, Woody Allen taught us that Marriage is a death trap.I don't have any answers and I'm looking for help from anyone, because love has got me fucked up and dying, because I feel retarded without anyone to hold me, and that's sentimental, but what's wrong with sentimental? I just need love.

to self: fuck you! I'm okay!

you see I can't even decide what I need much less understand what I'm saying.